Health, presence, and the legacy you leave
Using health to reclaim your legacy as a Dad and as an individual
“One of the best gifts a Dad can receive is a teenager who still wants to spend time with them!”
This Father’s Day week, I’ve been reflecting on that gift — and I’ve been receiving it in spades, even if I still fumble along the way.
Over the past year, my son has been asking when I’ll take him climbing. My daughter keeps nudging me to join her more on the Aikido mat. My stepson has wanted time to philosophise together and play board games, and I’ve been actively finding ways to connect with my stepdaughter. In addition, I’ve been able to contribute to the interest and skills development in photography with another young person, who is a part of my Family. Each of these invitations is a reminder that the work of presence matters… that even when life is busy, these moments are worth striving for. They are what, for me, make being a Dad worth while.
“Two Aikidoka (Aikido students)”
“Games night”
“Photography field trip”
“On the rock”
“Fun outings”
When I stop and take it in, I feel immense pride. Not just in these kids finding good elements of their identity, but also in their potential, and that I have the opportunity to be a part of their achievements by being by their side as they walk their own paths of insight. Every Dad dreams of this. And every Dad also knows the window, where of time they have to spend with their children is painfully short.
This post, however is one that is more about the responsibility we, as Dads, have. And the recognition that the gift of presence only comes after an investment. It is a post that comes on the other side of a difficult journey I’ve taken across the past year or so, when I wasn’t the Dad who could physically, or mentally, be present enough to enjoy these bids for connection with my kids. And on this Father’s Day week, I’m writing it for all Dads, with the hope that they don’t miss the opportunity to connect with their kids, as I look as so much of the time I missed, and could have spent with my kids.
“Wake up call"
Not long ago, I was carrying 26 extra kilos, living with sleep apnea, waking exhausted, and on medication for high cholesterol. I would get out of breath on our hikes into the woods. My nights were restless, sometimes waking, gasping for air, and with a racing heart that made me wonder if I’d wake up the next morning. I was STRESSED and unfit for the challenge of being the Dad I wanted to be.
Meanwhile, the very things my kids were asking of me (climbing, Aikido, photography, adventures together, conversation, games) were the things that gave me (and them) joy… and were also the things I couldn’t fully engage with.
I tried many times to change. To loose weight, to be more present. To use the skills I’ve learned and teach - yet struggled to apply in my own life. I wanted to be that Dad that I imagined, and step into my own sense of ‘agency’… but it was hard. And like many Dads, I poured energy into providing, supporting, and caring for others, all the while concentrating on my business, on the bills, on maintenance of the necessities of life… often leaving little for myself.
Then a series of insights helped me find the grit, the tenacity, and the commitment to reclaim my health:
I interviewed an inspiring local photographic artist, Nathan Lester, who, in addition to being a Dad, and a passionate advocate for diversity and inclusion, who had open-heart surgery and shared his before-and-after journey,
“Nathan’s inspiring before and after”
I also spoke with a good friend on a walk we took together, and through this conversation, and his encouragement to connect with my Dad’s story , I started to process memories of my own Dad, realising how hard it is for a parent to prioritise their own health… and how much I still hear my Dad’s experience, and presence, guiding me.
‘My Dad and I (many, many, years ago). A reminder of what’s at stake’
Inspired by these two things, I started again to address my health. Step by step, and mis-step by mis-step, I found the grit to change my habits, my diet, my exercise routines. I picked up my meditation practice again, and, over time, I reversed my sleep apnea, was given the OK by my GP to drop my cholesterol medication, and I started to rebuild strength. These things didn’t just add years to my life. These commitments helped me to add life to my years… and enabled me to step into that identity that I wanted for myself. A Dad who could say yes when his kids asked him to spend time with them.
I believe that being a “Dad” means more than just being present… it’s a responsibility to be a steward for my children’s wellbeing. My role is to help them grow into capable, independent people, equipped with the life skills and experiences that they will need as they step into their own autonomy.
When I worked on Australia’s first National Male Health Policy, I spoke with many men who shared how much they longed for support, yet struggled to find it. While every part of society faces challenges, Dads often feel especially constrained by cultural expectations to simply ‘carry on’. The reality is stark: as around one in 10 fathers experience clinically significant depressive symptoms during early parenting (Journal of Affective Disorders 2006: 189-203). And many times they feel that there is very little support for Dads.
Still, being a Dad has been one of the most meaningful, transformative roles of my life. It’s brought plenty of stress and more than a few doubts about whether I am up to the task, but it has also offered deep insights and the chance to shape the world my children will inherit. I’m reminded of something my own Dad once shared with me… advice he’d remembered from Martin Luther King Jr., who said:
Barrett Junior High School,
Philadelphia Oct 26, 1967
For me, that’s the heart of fatherhood — and leadership. To keep moving forward. To be ready, in body and spirit, when your kids ask you to join them. To choose health not just for yourself, but for the legacy you leave.
This Father’s Day week, I’ve already received the greatest gift any Dad could want: kids who want me in their world. In the home my wife and I have helped shape, on the mat, on the cliff face, on the water, behind the camera — they want me there, helping them thrive.
That’s priceless. And it’s worth the pain and struggle and humbling process that a journey back to health entails.
If you want to make this journey, I’ve found that the main challenge is in the beginning - and in really connecting with the reason for change. It may be helpful to:
Take some time, write, think, talk with friends and those other Dads that you admire to clearly identify your reason to get back to health. The more clearly you can outline the impact and the outcome for this work, the more easily you will be able to commit to it.
Take small practical steps to reclaim your health: move your body, check your numbers, invest in sleep, and tackle the lifestyle changes that are meaningful to you, and fit within your image of the Dad you want to be.
Reflect on the legacy you want to leave, whether with children, mentees, or in your community. Your narrative about WHO you are and What you do, helps you to identify as a capable, and healthy Dad, able to help his kids face the challenges of life.
Your family, your mission, and your impact are worth it.
And if you want support in clarifying goals, building habits, and connecting with your “why”, connecting with the new identity you are finding within you, and helping you show up fully as a parent, leader, or mentor, well that’s the work I do as a coach. Because fatherhood, leadership, and legacy demand the same thing: bringing your best self forward.
This is me today. Health restored, presence reclaimed. Ready to walk the Insightful Path.
“Across this series we’ve looked at presence, listening, example, resilience, and joy. Each is a thread, but woven together they make the fabric of fatherhood. My invitation: choose one thread to strengthen this week — for your children, and for yourself.”
