Fatherhood is a long walk… without a map
‘The long walk’
Photo from my Walk across America
As a kid, I often felt lost. I felt deeply, learned quickly, and resonated with so many people and ideas… yet I didn’t really know who I was, or what I should “be when I grew up.” Maybe I still don’t. That uncertainty became fuel for exploration.
One of the most defining things I did was walk nearly 5,000 kilometers across the land of my birth, America. Step after step, day after day, not knowing what each horizon would bring.
On that walk, I discovered more of myself than I expected. I learned that while I never knew what the next day would hold, I always had it in me to face whatever came. And here’s the truth: so do you.
Like me, you’ve already faced challenges you didn’t think you could handle. And like me, you survived every single one of them. That matters. Because fatherhood feels a lot like that walk… you don’t get a map, you just get the step in front of you.
‘Step by step’
Children absorb your values as well as your habits
The Path Shifts Beneath Us
Some days the ground feels firm, the horizon clear, and you feel strong in your stride. Other days you’re lost, sore, questioning whether you can keep going (or whether there’s even a point if you do).
And yet, step after step, we keep walking. Over the years, whether speaking with men as part of Australia’s first National Male Health Policy, or working with leaders and fathers through my coaching, I’ve seen this same pattern: Dads who keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when unsure of the way.
It turns out this persistence benefits our children most of all. They don’t need us to be heroes with master maps. They need to see us walk with honesty: resilient, thoughtful, human, and along side of them. That’s how they learn the qualities that help them thrive.
‘The myth of certainty’
There is no single ‘one right way’
The Myth of Certainty
There’s a myth that fathers should know the way. And while this is a compelling trap we can fall into, the truth is, we’re all still figuring it out. Who we are as Dads, and who we are beyond fatherhood. We’re building a legacy while learning how to pass it on.
Being a Dad isn’t about certainty. It’s about puting in the foundation of ‘how we handle uncertainty’. Our kids are always watching, and through our example, they’re learning how to walk their own paths, and build their own ‘castles in the air’ - as Henry David Thoreau once said:
“If you have built your castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
‘The Most Important Thing’
Your ability to show them love through your presence
Presence, Not Maps
What I’ve learned about being a Dad is that it isn’t about having the master plan or knowing every turn ahead. Our children don’t remember us for the map we didn’t have. They remember the moments when we showed up fully… when we put down the phone, met their eyes, listened to their stories, sat with their struggles.
Presence is what steadies them when the ground shifts. It’s what lets them know they matter, even when we don’t have the answers. And it’s what helps them build the confidence to walk into their own unknowns.
For me, presence comes back to what I sometimes call The Most Important Thing:
I love you. For always and forever. No matter what. Just as you are. And I always will.
Dads don’t need to chart every step. We just need to keep walking alongside our kids, open enough to notice the landscape together.
Invitation to Practice
‘Walking together’
A shared journey
Think of one moment this week where you didn’t know the answer in front of your child. Instead of covering it up, try naming it:
“I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together.”
Notice what happens when you model learning, not just knowing. And remember, The Most Important Thing isn’t ‘knowing’. It’s being there, steady and loving, no matter what.
Notice what shifts when your child sees that within your presence… it is something magical.
Fatherhood is a long walk. And along the way, the most important tool we have isn’t a map. It’s how we listen. Listening is what opens doors to our children’s worlds. In the next post, we’ll explore how listening shapes the journey.
